Illness shouldn’t break up a family. It shouldn’t come between spouses. Friendships shouldn’t end because one of you is ill. The truth of the matter, sadly, is that illness tests the family, the spouse, and your interaction with friends. Change of any kind mixed with insecurity and doubt about one’s security is frightening for all involved parties.
This is where communication, understanding, patience, strength, and compassion must be expressed swiftly and thoroughly. If there was love when you both were healthy, then there ought to be love when either of you are sick. Marriage vows state “in sickness and in health”. Real love means taking care of those that you care about as best and as long as you can. I will add as a patient and one who is sensitive to, and aware of caregiver burnout– that caregivers need to be taken care of as desperately as the afflicted, to assure the health of everyone involved. In many ways, the relationships between friends and family can be strengthened if we treat one another with proper awareness, respect, and appreciation.
Communication
Share your fears with each other and don’t hide your feelings. Show your support and love for one another through your personal strength, faith, support groups, professional counseling, or mentor. You are stronger than you know. You are not the first person to be tested by what you are going through. This is the time to take stock in your life. Maybe, just maybe, doors close but windows open for a reason. Stay on top of your situation and seek help as you need it from family, friends, the local community. Do your research about the services that are available to you locally, statewide, federally, and even internationally. The world is quickly becoming a smaller place thanks to the internet and the sharing of information.
Understanding
Common ground isn’t always easy to find when one party is in discomfort and the other has a clean bill of health. Just the act of trying to imagine another’s challenges can help to put negotiations back on track. Taking the time to listen, observe, and feel another’s pain, can make tremendous change for bonding and healing.
Patience
Finding that part of you that slows the mind and targets the need for anything other than a focus on improving one another is essential. Patience is a virtue that you can attain with breathe, realization, commitment, and keeping love alive. Understand that all parties must observe patience for this to work efficiently and equally.
Strength
I will admit that this one may take time, effort, exploration, and even outside assistance. Find what works for you. Maintaining your wits in a crisis is not easy and takes a unique skill set. Dealing with the added stress can take a toll and injure anyone around us. Whether you need a massage, to go to the shooting range, breaking something (a non-dangerous and inexpensive object that provides emotional release), pop bubble wrap (reported to be a great stress reliever), working out, singing, or having coffee with a friend. Finding what works for you is crucial.
Compassion
Loving yourself and someone else is what makes for a complete relationship. It is not egotistical to love oneself. If one is unable to love oneself, a spouse or friend faces a demanding task. It is of vital importance to maintain our connection with others. There is beauty in the world. There is kindness even in the darkest corners. The human is a resilient and crafty being.
Wayne Dyer, prolific author and lecturer, has a great saying, “Don’t die with the music still in you!” Do your best at doing what you can and surprise yourself . You might just change and see a change for the better. This is my opinion–what’s yours?
Do you have a credo that you want to share? What do you do to improve your relationships? Does illness cost you relationships? Do you share a positive attitude with others?
I want to hear from you!
Thanks, Karl
